Invisible Cages

Invisible Cages

Seeing the systems that shape our lives

Here's something I've noticed.

The people I meet are rarely stuck because they don't know enough.

They're stuck because they can’t see the system they're operating within.

The succession issue isn't really about succession.

The money problem isn't really about money.

The leadership challenge isn't really about leadership.

The career dilemma isn't really about career.

What keeps people stuck is often something much less visible.

A set of assumptions.

An inherited story.

A role they've been given.

A set of rules you didn’t sign up to.

A definition of success they've never questioned.

A system they've been operating within for so long that it simply feels like reality.

Most advisers help people navigate those systems.

I do something different.  I help people see the systems shaping their decisions.

Because once you can see the system, you regain agency.

You get to decide whether it still serves you.

You get to decide what to keep.

You get to decide what comes next.

You get to choose.

And your choices can change everything.

Seeing the System

When you've lived inside a system long enough, it stops looking like a system.   It just looks like what you do. 

Because you only know what you know, and you don’t know what you don’t know, you can only ever ask questions from within your place of knowledge.   

And when we do that, in whatever capacity we are operating – whether at work, home or at play - we ask the question we can understand, but this will often generate an answer which is a fix of sorts, but isn’t going to work for the longer term, either because the system is already wrong, or because it is evolving and the future needs a different approach. 

Most (I believe) advisers are trained to answer questions.  They are not trained to look outside the system.  I’m going to write more on this in the coming months.  But for now,  this is why – in so many adviser / client situations - advice fails to create real change.  When clients are given answers to the question they have asked, but not necessarily to the question they need to ask, they can feel quite disconnected to the advice and to the adviser, because their lives don’t move forward.  And clients aren’t happy about this.

They are shown how to optimise within their current circumstances, without ever being invited to step back and consider whether the assumptions driving those circumstances are still serving them.

The advice may be technically correct.

But if it reinforces the invisible system that created the problem in the first place, it rarely creates lasting change.

The Family System

I see this every day in the families I work with.  On the surface, they are discussing structures, investments, property and tax.  Their advisers are comfortable in that space. 

But often the real challenge sits somewhere else entirely.

A daughter still trying to live up to expectations she inherited decades ago.

A son carrying beliefs about money that were never his to begin with.

Parents making decisions through the lens of their own upbringing rather than the reality facing the next generation.

A family business which doesn’t work for the next generation of family.

The technical solution is rarely the difficult bit. The difficult bit is recognising the invisible system driving the decision.

The stories.

The assumptions.

The expectations.

The money beliefs that have quietly shaped a family for decades.

Until they are seen, they continue to shape decisions without anyone realising.

The Success System

I see a different version of the same pattern in professional life.

People who are successful but dissatisfied.

Accomplished but restless.

Busy but disconnected from the things which bring them joy.

Living a life that looks right from the outside but feels increasingly uncomfortable from the inside.

Burnt out.

Not because anything is wrong with them.

Because they are operating within rules they never consciously chose.

The definition of success.

The expectation to keep climbing.

The belief that achievement and fulfilment are the same thing.

The assumption that if they just work a little harder, the feeling will eventually go away.

Many people never stop to ask whether the game they are playing is one they actually want to win.  The game they have become very good at playing.

The Gender System

Then there is the woman who is more than capable of running the business she works in.

She has the experience.

The judgement.

The relationships.

The strategic thinking.

Yet somehow she still feels she has to prove herself.  And is overlooked.

Work harder.

Be more prepared.

Take up less space. 

Definitely be less feisty…

Not because she lacks capability.  Because she is operating within a system that taught her those rules long ago.  And then maintains the rules because it suits those who are less able than she is.

Because those systems and rules are everywhere, they feel normal.

Until somebody points them out.

Different stories.

Same pattern.

Invisible systems shaping visible decisions.

My truth

Three years ago I stepped away from a successful professional career.  At the time, I couldn't have explained it as clearly as I can now.  But what I did know was that something was very wrong.

Not dramatic.

Not catastrophic.

Just increasingly difficult to ignore.

Surviving, just.  Definitely not thriving.

Playing a role that only required part of me, and unable to make the most of my talents.

Operating within a system whose rules didn’t make sense.

Not just for me.  For clients.  For colleagues.  For people trying to build meaningful lives within it.

The system rewarded certain things.

Hours.

Titles.

Hierarchy.

Visibility.

But the things that mattered most were harder to measure.

Wisdom.

Judgement.

Human understanding.

The ability to see what was really going on.

And I believe these weren’t just touchy feely, nice to haves.  I fundamentally believe it is these characteristics which will drive success in professional service firms in the future. 

At the time, I couldn't see the cage.   I could only feel the bars.

And that is often where awareness begins.

Am I delusional?

Twenty-five years of working with clients, combined with the conversations I now have with both professionals and families, continues to reinforce what I know to be true.

Clients tell me they have received advice but still feel uncertain.

Professionals tell me they are “successful” but don’t feel it.

Families wrestle with decisions that should be straightforward but feel impossibly complex.

Most people are not stuck because they lack answers. 

They are stuck because they are trying to solve a problem from within the same system that created it.

It’s a strong cage

If you look around, you’ll find people who say they work to improve systems.  But the problem still exists.   We need to do this differently.  There is an urgency about this now. 

I have worked in this way for more than 25 years, and until recently, I haven’t really understood why my approach was different.   But it is becoming clearer: when clients with problems trust me to help them see past the immediate problem, we are able to co-create a solution which takes them beyond their immediate reality and into a place where there is long lasting understanding, and dare I say it, happiness. 

Yet I always want to be better at this, it is likely my purpose in life.  Walking the walk, how can I step out of the system I have operated in, so that I can help people make even greater transformational changes in their lives?

This is a big investment, but I have the courage of my convictions to say this is really important work.   

Over the last 3 years, I have been immersing myself in learning and development which has been a game changer to the type of support I can give clients.  I am taking my practice to a new level and along the way it has transformed my life, allowing me to live in a different way.  My voice is coming back.  I am able to breathe through discomfort, and I can hold space for clients to really understand what is going on, to find the right questions, and so the way forward. 

And then one month ago I found myself on a 2-week learning retreat in Bali, studying energy work, meditation and coaching approaches that three years ago I would never have imagined exploring.

Not because I have abandoned strategy, business, governance or professional life.  Quite the opposite.  Because I have become deeply interested in how awareness is the stepping stone to real change. 

How do people see what they cannot currently see?

How do they reconnect with instincts they have learned to ignore?

How do they recognise the systems shaping them?

What are their patterns?

What stories do they tell themselves?

How do they find the confidence to choose differently?

The tools I use are evolving and developing, because let’s be honest, the systems are solid and we humans are complicated souls.  They complement the technical knowledge and years of client experiences I have shared. 

The objective is exactly the same, and whether I am working with families, professionals, leaders, trustees or business owners, the common thread is always the same:

My role is not to fix people. 

It is to help them see what they cannot yet see.

Because once we see clearly, we regain the ability to choose.

And from that place, real change becomes possible.